Why the pain

Why do I feel sad? Why do I feel pain? Is it because I still care after all, i ask myself or is it because I haven’t truly let go of my feelings and forgiven you for all our past. Yeah it hurt what you did to me.It also hurt more that when I tried to move on in my life and be happy with the man I loved, you would continually pop up every now and then and call out of the blue to ask how I was. It hurt you still showed me you cared ,yet for so long I told you that I will not come back. I wanted blessings in my life I wanted happiness and you really did not know what love was to put me in such a situation. You said so many things that you had made the wrong choice and too many a times I could see the unhappiness in your eyes and even in your voice when you called and talked to me. You would call me out of the blue and ask to come home but I would always tell you no because I had truly loved another. But you always kept in touch and I didn’t know whether it was because you were genuinely interested and loved me like you said you did or because you did not want to see me happy. We were close yes, but it had to stop. I had met someone else and for once in a very long time I felt so happy knowing I could hold my head high and feel appreciated and accepted without judgement. I was happy and I enjoyed every moment being in this new found sense of finally belonging to someone who showed they cared so openly. But someone you would distort this by appearing or calling again and again on days least expected. When you told me, you wanted to travel with me, spend the holidays with me, I had mixed feelings. I would always pray lord ,you know what’s best for me. We can make all the plans in the world but you lord know best. Then you called again and again showing that you still cared appeared on my doorstep to help me with the kids back home. I knew I shouldn’t have taken the help offered but i did because i hoped we could just be friends despite our past and it was a new year. That final day you called and told me you hadn’t gotten paid and I said I could have helped if you asked. Then again you said you wanted to see me and if you got something you would come that evening. I was again left with so much confusion. After that very phonecall I got down on my knees and said Lord… only you know best. If it is not good for me do not let it happen.i leave my life in your good hands for I love someone else, yet you know best. Do for me lord what i cannot do alone. You did not appear and I knew that the lord knew what was best for us. That was the last I heard from you, but I could remember the frustration especially you telling me to study again and get out of this place. I knew somehow you were bothered and unhappy inside and I just offered it all to God to hear you. Now I am in turmoil hearing that you may have passed on.Have I made my peace I ask myself.Why is it I feel sad in some way.Well I now know because you still cared deep down. You never let me go because somewhere deep down you still cared a great deal and you couldn’t do much. However I thank the lord for the trials we went through and for giving you peace in your days. I forgave you long time ago when I had found love again because the person i met was such. He was forgiving, understanding and full of love for others and less of himself. If we do not cross paths again, know I too deeply cared and was grateful for all you have done for me but I had to do the right thing. You were not strong enough to do it, for my own sanity as well and peace of mind. Lord heal us and take away any hurt or pain caused. Lord forgive me for anything I may have done wrong in your sight. Heal me of any pain I still feel and help me to let go of my worries anxieties and trust that you alone lord know our path for you have created us. In jesus name I ask for healing to let go of the pain and heal my weak flesh and inspire my spirit to live and love always and desire your ways always o lord

Grateful

I am grateful for the people who support me with love.I am grateful for those who give me a hard time so I can be strong in this life.I am thankful for all I have. Lord I thank you for my job.I thank you for the gift of wisdom.Lord I thank you for my friends.Lord I thankyou for the strength to continue on in this life even though it seems so hard.Lord I thank you for my students.Despite them giving me a hard time.I thank you Lord for family.I thank you for all you do for me yet I fail to realize it.Lord I pray for all those who are sick.Heal them Lord.Pray also for those whom we have hurt.May they find peace through the pain.Amen

Forgive

When you think you know someone well only to find out that you have been a victim and you thank the good Lord for drawing you out of the darkness and into the light.I firmly believe everyone comes into your life for a reason.Im thankful and grateful indeed to a special person who has been there for me these past four months.If it wasnt for him, I know my life would have continued in that darkness of life where you thought it was impossible to get out. Despite what you know is right you continually forgive and hope that things would turn out well, closing yourself up to the rest of the world, not listening to whatever the world had to offer. I now think back of all the hurt and pain and finally realize how the saying goes…time heals and then you realize they are just a fading memory of yesterday.Even you wouldnt recall their name just because you have awoken from your deep slumber of fantasies and false hopes. However it is more so equally important to learn to forgive and wipe the slate clean.Despite the hurt once endured ,forgiveness of oneself first for the deed and the person who caused the grief is so important to move on.

Otherwise we carry on to our next relationship all the anger and disappointments of previous experiences. Life is a journey, still filled with unexpected possiblities and challenges.We never know the future but we sure can do something about the present.Lord help me to be positive, forgiving and not to hard on myself for all the trials I go through.Amen

What does life have to offer?

Sometimes you sit and ponder on what the future holds for you.After all the trials , lessons you learnt, falling in and out of love , achieving your career dreams, you sit and wonder, where to from here, Lord.

You look around you and see the joys and wonders of family life.You see the pain and sorrows some go through.Your circle of friendship grows.You make new friends and lose some. You often wonder what your journey has for you.

Then at the end of the day you wonder what was life meant to be.

Where to from here Lord?

What do you have in store for me?